Missing Mom

Celebrating Life 

whilst Remembering Death

The past couple of days, particularly the working ones [which are my favorite days of the week] were anything but perfect [just like my photography]  -- So then, What was New ? -- Why even mention it ??

 There were the highs and lows, ebb and flow - and I'd like to think [as always] - That they were Well-Lived, or at least I tried to, To Live them Well, Very Well -- As in Celebrate Life [in more ways then one] .. ...

 ---> AS Always, naman - I enjoyed my "working Wednesday" and my "working weekend' -as evident in the following B-t-Scenes blog post. 
That IS One Fine Way to Celebrate Life - Right ? To Enjoy one's work !

The said week ended yesterday - and what really was new for me, was that it [July 27] was the first birth date of my mom which I celebrated without her.  {Last July 5, it was 6 months past, to the date, of her passing away.}

Yesterday, I had no outward manifestation of my commemoration of her entry into this world - but deep inside, I just simply missed her more  - having had those "Mom's Birthday" lunches and dinners all my life.  

What struck me /came to thought [particularly] was the unfulfilled wish that she could have met some of the wonderful people I've met, worked with, and even have become close to - the past few years that I've been involved with sports photojournalism -- If only for her to have a "sense" of the fulfillment [amidst the challenges] I have had the fortune of experiencing,
the said past years.

I would have loved her to be at ringside to watch an Ateneo - La Salle Final Four UAAP Championship Match [or something close to that] .....

..... or maybe an exhibition match where a world class athlete like David Beckham would be gracing ...Yup, I was there last December, 2011, {Rizal Football Pitch] to shoot that Exhibition Match [where Beckham played in] [got to shake DB's hand at the Press Brief / Dinner at the Penn a day or two prev]   ...

..... or maybe share a light merienda [satiate our Sweet Teeth Together!]  at a resto on Orchard Road - bring her to "Candy Empire" [at that side street parallel to Orchard Road] - with the most delish chocolates from Italy, Belgium, Switzerland [love them ALL !!] at our fingertips !!  {She's too old to enjoy the rides at Universal Studios }.

Yes, It is a Totally Silly [even downright ridiculous] wish, Truth be Told - knowing that my mom wouldn't have an ounce of appreciation of such things
[the sports stuff] - The chocolate / ice cream, stuff - Puwede pa yon - 
Mom LOVES Ice Cream !!  kasi.

The more plausible, more "practical" wish, then  being - having her get to meet the {very select } [new] close friends of mine whose friendships I've learned to value and cherish, the past few years .....  As IF I'm the type to bring a Load of friends to the house ..HU?!  Kaso - I never made the effort to do it  [My bad]    Whatever !   Just Sharin' here ...

Hey - Got NO time for heavy sentiment - just some light sentiment .. 
 to get on touch w / my "pusong mamon" side - occasionally - hahaha

OK lang ...

In her last few months - I would occasionally seat myself beside mom's bed, hold her hand for minutes on end - {It simply felt reassuring, for me, to know that she was around - feel her pulse "beat" with mine ...}

Wether she would be awake or not didn't really matter - I just wanted to be always there for her, with her - the limited free time accorded  me ---

--- Much like the way she was for me, when I was a child.

I do truly miss her.

brosi gonzales

PS
Having my older brother, my younger nephew, and my mom
die on me has reminded me that Death Truly IS Part of Life ----
The More So WE should ALL Celebrate Life Every Single Day.
- and Never take for Granted - Those who Truly Matter to each of us.